Happy Valentines Day

It's pouring down rain here outside my home office. Never the less we are leaving soon to go down to the ocean. I love walking on the beach rain or shine. Actually it is more often gray and windy. That ocean air does something to clear my mind and warm my heart. I'll report back about the Iron Springs Resort remodel. We'll have dinner in Ocean Shores tonight. I'm really looking forward to the rest and breathing ocean air.

Health wise I actually had a difficult week. As mentioned before, these are hormone emitting tumors I have in my system. There are periods where I feel really down. It does often come when I'm tired or sick with a cold as I was this week. There is a sadness and a feeling that something is wrong accompanied by the fatigue and general weakness. The fear that the tumors are growing or new ones are starting begins to be a frequent feeling. I try the mind over matter approach. I try to get my thinking and mind to change the negative thoughts that can lead to the negative feelings. I do believe our thinking can and does create our reality and that we are all capable of manifesting our reality to a certain degree or fully. So I try to think about wellness and envision myself being here when the grandchildren are in high school or older. Its hard to describe how difficult it is to stay positive. I think a lot of it is physical, from the hormones produced by the tumors, side effects of the drugs and not feeling well due to a compromised immune system. I recently got the books; Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) for Dummies (I hate the Dummies word), The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety and the Desire Map: A guide to creating goals with soul. I'll see if CBT can help me tackle toxic thought patterns and stay more hopeful.

I know for sure now that I am doing too much and that it affects my ability to feel well and be hopeful. I don't know how I'll cut back on the childcare just yet. I know I must though.

I had a nice visit with my mom and dad for lunch last week. I took Paityn down to Olympia. My friend Randy who also has NET's came over for lunch. It is comforting to have a friend with a very similar diagnosis and surprisingly similar effects from the tumors and side effects from the Octreotide.

Next week is the lab work and Friday is the CT scan that will measure the tumor growth and activity. I should know by Friday afternoon whether the tumors are growing and or spreading. On the following Monday I meet with my Group Health Oncologist Dr. Feldman to discuss the results and any actions that need to be taken. The next Monday, March 3, I meet with my surgeon at OHSU to discuss the results with him.

My wonderful daughter Jessica advised me yesterday to try to not worry about the things I can't change. To try to think about the things I do have control over (diet, exercise) and to work on letting go of worry about the things that stress me that are out of my control. It is really good advise regardless of how hard it is to follow. She did add that she knows it is easier said than done. :-)

All in all, life is so good and most of the time I know that. :-) I am blessed with a wonderful husband, parents, children, grandchildren, brother and sister in law, extended family, friends, a beautiful home, medical coverage, enough resources, good food, travels in the beautiful northwest and the time to enjoy all those I love and the world around me. Staying present to that everyday and every moment is the key to moving through this difficult illness with grace.

Happy Valentines Day! Love yourself and others and be well.