I'm waiting a bit to see what happens with my interview at Stanford on March 13th. I'm still trying to get into the clinical trial for the advanced Galium 68 scan (Ga68) that will show all the places the cancer is and how large the various tumors are. If they decide after that interview that I am a candidate I'll go back sometime in late March or early April for the scan. There is a small chance that if they approve me for the trial they could do the scan while I'm there in March. If the results of the scan are good news and there is not much more cancer than what we already know about, it is not growing and the locations are not life threatening, I will continue on with my happy life as usual. If the scan shows immanent threats to my life, I will make plans to travel to Germany for the PRRT treatment. I have a friend in Olympia going on February 5th for the treatment. It will be interesting to see if they are able to rid him of cancer completely. His case is very similar to mine. The cost for the treatment in Germany is $30,000 not counting airfare and hotel for 3 weeks the first trip and a possible 3 different trips needed over a 6 month period. It could be fun and my chance to finally visit Europe for the first time.
I did just return from Maui, my second time to the Island. We really enjoyed swimming, snorkeling, whale watching and eating fresh wonderful fruit.
I've been so blessed with relatively good life quality. I watch grandchildren grow, walk every day and continue to eat well and exercise. I get my injections and take my pills and supplements. I chose a new oncologist at SCCA, Dr. Shankaran and still see Dr. Feldman at Group Health.. Monday I get my every 6 month CT scan to monitor for tumor growth. I haven't had any growth since the surgeries over a year ago. I'll report the results of that and of course of the Ga68 when I eventually get to have it. If I don't get into the Stanford study I'll reapply to NIH and to one at UCLA. I'll get in somewhere eventually.
The blessing continues to be that I am more present and aware of all the wonderful things in my life, I am more intentional in my living, I am aware of my thoughts and can often recognize and change limiting ones. I know how to find that still place through meditation, at the beach, walking in the park or just sitting quietly enjoying my home and loved ones. I am more accepting of myself than before and choosing to "like" myself even though my weight gain is a distracting low point. It is amazing that even though I can't help the weight gain due to the compromised pancreas and am so blessed to be alive, I still sometimes lament my size and wish that I wasn't "over weight". I know that it is silly and I don't really obsess about it. I remind myself what a good person I am and how I have goodness flowing through me from the universe all the time. I just let the thought go that I should be a different size. We are all made good. I am truly more aware of being apart of the vast universe and all the energy and goodness that we are a part of. I do feel like a drop in the ocean, a star in the universe, an eternal part of all that is good and loving. Though the body passes on, the soul and energy behind our breath, that part of us that is love moves along forever. At least that feels true to me now and it is a comforting belief. Although I continue to work towards getting into clinical trials and finding the next best steps in my health journey I also just enjoy each moment and the journey along this stretch of life filled with such joys. My husband, parents, children, grandchildren, friends, yoga, pilates, whole foods, cooking, water, gatherings, art, music, dance, travel, gardening, reading, Seahawks....... so much fun and beauty, so many options of how to enjoy ourselves all the time. Not knowing how long we have to enjoy all that we love in this lifetime is such a great invitation to be present in the moment and grateful.
No comments:
Post a Comment